Emerald Sustrai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hallucinogem) wrote2020-06-10 04:49 pm
hallucinogem) wrote2020-06-10 04:49 pm
Entry tags:
STAGGR
Lucky you. Nobody's jammed you on that stupid Deerlybeloved crap.
Look, you probably want somewhere to crash.
I can get a pullout couch, but you're going to want to be careful of the door.
Dust trap's usually set to ice type.
Usually.
Look, you probably want somewhere to crash.
I can get a pullout couch, but you're going to want to be careful of the door.
Dust trap's usually set to ice type.
Usually.
It probably helps to keep a low profile. Or maybe it's just a matter of time and I'll deal with it when it happens.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
They let you have ice Dust? I only have my regular stuff, and only enough for one or two reloads. Guess I'm going knives out for a while.
Thanks. I appreciate it.
They let you have ice Dust? I only have my regular stuff, and only enough for one or two reloads. Guess I'm going knives out for a while.
Text: UN - IceCream (Post-Dated to 7/20, CW mentions of death/fatalism)
threelayers
2020-07-17 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
[Oscar had disappeared for safety. Yang was blowing the fuck up right now and who knew what she was about to do, which apparently took Raven out of the equation. She wouldn't talk to Neo for hours. Qrow was nowhere to be seen. Clover, she barely knew. Jaune was gone. And Penny was currently a toaster.
And Neo? Neo was freaking out.]
Emerald?
I fucked up.
I fucked up bad.
I did it.
And Neo? Neo was freaking out.]
Emerald?
I fucked up.
I fucked up bad.
I did it.
You... did it?
[there's only a few things that Neo could be talking about. and Ultimate Liar or not, Emerald is incredibly... incredibly concerned.]
Oh no.
Are you okay?
[there's only a few things that Neo could be talking about. and Ultimate Liar or not, Emerald is incredibly... incredibly concerned.]
Oh no.
Are you okay?
[a list of notes being stored internally on Emerald's Fluid. not accessible to others unless they physically have the device.]
She wants me to kiss her.
Whatever it is she's trying to get me to find, she wants me to kiss her at the end of it. Or maybe I just want to kiss her and she doesn't want that. What's wrong with me, why do I even want that? Why do I want to do anything with her? She's Neo, she's great, she's the best friend I have here... she actually understands me while Merc just keeps talking about how Salem is the right way forward. He thinks that I can just betray Cinder and work full-time for someone who terrifies me. Someone I hate who hates me back and thinks she can control me but she'll never, ever make me stop believing in Cinder no matter how hard she tries.
Why did I have to spend so much time trying to distract that guy at the store? Why did I have to... gods why couldn't I have just kept my eyes on her instead? No, idiot, because if you'd done that then you would've gotten caught, and why are you so convinced this is something she stole while you were there anyway? Just because she has a new necklace? Big deal! So do you! She stole you one, too! She stole you a few things that you didn't ask for, things that you didn't know you wanted until she showed them to you. You bled on her hands so she could get those earrings in, and she gave you painkillers in the morning! Gods. Gods you're so stupid. You're so, so stupid, Emerald.
What did her note say? She said I can keep "it" for myself if I steal it. I can give it back to her. I can give it to somebody else, or I can... she didn't say break. She said destroy, but. She meant that I can break it if I want to. So she's talking about... it's got to be a heart necklace, right? Or maybe it's not even a necklace. Maybe she's just talking about her heart. She never says anything like this to me when she's trying to focus on business. She never does anything so poetic when we're on the job. Of course she doesn't. Why would she? She's here to ruin people's days and get things done.
So let's go down the list. Because she's not just talking about a necklace. She can't just be talking about a necklace, she knows I'm a better thief than she is and she knows that if it were just a necklace then she wouldn't have anything to expect me to answer about.
Okay. Whew. So. I can break it? Absolutely not. No way. I'm not going to hurt Neo. Not even if Cinder tells me to. (Not even if she tells me to... I really hope she never has to.) Anyway, I'm not hurting her like that. I can give it to somebody else, then... except no way. I'm not stealing Neo's heart just to give it away to someone who can't appreciate her like I do. Someone who just thinks she's some... I don't know, mute freak or whatever who isn't good for anything but looking pretty. Which is so offensive, by the way, because she's good for looking pretty and kicking ass, thank you very much.
So it comes down to keeping it for myself or giving it back to her. Saying that I want to have her heart, or saying that she can keep it. And she wants something of equal value if I keep it for myself. She wants me... she wants me to give her my heart in return. She wants me to decide. As soon as I make my move, she'll know, and it's all leading to her confronting me about it so I can tell her what I want to do. So we don't have any more... any more weird moments on the couch where we almost kiss.
Ugh. She doesn't want me to kiss her. She wants something way, way worse.
Do I take her up on it? I... she's. She probably kisses really well. But we get along really well right now, too. Do I want to take a huge risk on everything we have as friends and partners to throw something like romance into it? Am I even in the right place for that? Theres... Cinder's waiting for me back home. And I know that if I stick with her long enough then she'll feel the same way I feel about her one day. She already does, she's just bad at showing it and she has too much other stuff going on but I know she does. It's fine.
So do I cheat on Cinder and make Neo my partner...? I mean, I guess Cinder and I are partners but in a different way right now, and I guess that... no, it's just like this is a dream, you know? So none of it really counts. And somehow that doesn't make me feel much better... do I want it to count? Do I want to be like that? In a relationship with someone. Ruby Rose is happy, of course she is, she always is... but is she happier now that she's with V? Is he? I should ask.
No, I can't ask. They'd see right through me and I can't trust either one of them to shut up and keep it under their hats long enough. If I told Ruby she'd be gossiping about it to her whole house. Come look at Emerald, she's thinking about asking Neo to be her girlfriend, laugh it up, might as well shove all the people who keep trying to kill her together into one big stupid lump of relationships.
I'm getting sidetracked. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want except to be... comfortable. I think. I want to be. Happy. I want to feel safe, especially with all this damn lightning happening everywhere. And I know that Neo's okay with hugging and being close with me, and I know that she wants to have drinks with me and just hang out and be friends together, and would it really be that much different? If I told her that yes, I want to be girifriends with her?
I don't even know what she wants from me. She's making this so easy to guess and even easier to actually follow through with. She wants me to steal it. She wants me to kiss her and she wants to be my girlfriend or maybe she just wants exclusive rights to kissing me or whatever. No, she's direct, if she just wanted to kiss me then she'd do it. Whether it's to make fun of me or not. Is she happy? Does she want something more? I know she's finally finally letting go of Roman... I'm proud of her. I can't tell her that but I am.
They weren't together, but if she has all of this in her heart and she's had it there for so long, then... ugh. I don't know. I almost fell asleep writing this all out and then the thunder woke me up again. This is so long, I wrote so much, I can't believe it. This is embarrassing. I don't even think I'm any closer to an answer. I don't want to ruin what I have with Neo, but I still kind of want to see where this goes.
Ugh. I should get some rest.
Whatever it is she's trying to get me to find, she wants me to kiss her at the end of it. Or maybe I just want to kiss her and she doesn't want that. What's wrong with me, why do I even want that? Why do I want to do anything with her? She's Neo, she's great, she's the best friend I have here... she actually understands me while Merc just keeps talking about how Salem is the right way forward. He thinks that I can just betray Cinder and work full-time for someone who terrifies me. Someone I hate who hates me back and thinks she can control me but she'll never, ever make me stop believing in Cinder no matter how hard she tries.
Why did I have to spend so much time trying to distract that guy at the store? Why did I have to... gods why couldn't I have just kept my eyes on her instead? No, idiot, because if you'd done that then you would've gotten caught, and why are you so convinced this is something she stole while you were there anyway? Just because she has a new necklace? Big deal! So do you! She stole you one, too! She stole you a few things that you didn't ask for, things that you didn't know you wanted until she showed them to you. You bled on her hands so she could get those earrings in, and she gave you painkillers in the morning! Gods. Gods you're so stupid. You're so, so stupid, Emerald.
What did her note say? She said I can keep "it" for myself if I steal it. I can give it back to her. I can give it to somebody else, or I can... she didn't say break. She said destroy, but. She meant that I can break it if I want to. So she's talking about... it's got to be a heart necklace, right? Or maybe it's not even a necklace. Maybe she's just talking about her heart. She never says anything like this to me when she's trying to focus on business. She never does anything so poetic when we're on the job. Of course she doesn't. Why would she? She's here to ruin people's days and get things done.
So let's go down the list. Because she's not just talking about a necklace. She can't just be talking about a necklace, she knows I'm a better thief than she is and she knows that if it were just a necklace then she wouldn't have anything to expect me to answer about.
Okay. Whew. So. I can break it? Absolutely not. No way. I'm not going to hurt Neo. Not even if Cinder tells me to. (Not even if she tells me to... I really hope she never has to.) Anyway, I'm not hurting her like that. I can give it to somebody else, then... except no way. I'm not stealing Neo's heart just to give it away to someone who can't appreciate her like I do. Someone who just thinks she's some... I don't know, mute freak or whatever who isn't good for anything but looking pretty. Which is so offensive, by the way, because she's good for looking pretty and kicking ass, thank you very much.
So it comes down to keeping it for myself or giving it back to her. Saying that I want to have her heart, or saying that she can keep it. And she wants something of equal value if I keep it for myself. She wants me... she wants me to give her my heart in return. She wants me to decide. As soon as I make my move, she'll know, and it's all leading to her confronting me about it so I can tell her what I want to do. So we don't have any more... any more weird moments on the couch where we almost kiss.
Ugh. She doesn't want me to kiss her. She wants something way, way worse.
Do I take her up on it? I... she's. She probably kisses really well. But we get along really well right now, too. Do I want to take a huge risk on everything we have as friends and partners to throw something like romance into it? Am I even in the right place for that? Theres... Cinder's waiting for me back home. And I know that if I stick with her long enough then she'll feel the same way I feel about her one day. She already does, she's just bad at showing it and she has too much other stuff going on but I know she does. It's fine.
So do I cheat on Cinder and make Neo my partner...? I mean, I guess Cinder and I are partners but in a different way right now, and I guess that... no, it's just like this is a dream, you know? So none of it really counts. And somehow that doesn't make me feel much better... do I want it to count? Do I want to be like that? In a relationship with someone. Ruby Rose is happy, of course she is, she always is... but is she happier now that she's with V? Is he? I should ask.
No, I can't ask. They'd see right through me and I can't trust either one of them to shut up and keep it under their hats long enough. If I told Ruby she'd be gossiping about it to her whole house. Come look at Emerald, she's thinking about asking Neo to be her girlfriend, laugh it up, might as well shove all the people who keep trying to kill her together into one big stupid lump of relationships.
I'm getting sidetracked. I don't know what I want. I don't know what I want except to be... comfortable. I think. I want to be. Happy. I want to feel safe, especially with all this damn lightning happening everywhere. And I know that Neo's okay with hugging and being close with me, and I know that she wants to have drinks with me and just hang out and be friends together, and would it really be that much different? If I told her that yes, I want to be girifriends with her?
I don't even know what she wants from me. She's making this so easy to guess and even easier to actually follow through with. She wants me to steal it. She wants me to kiss her and she wants to be my girlfriend or maybe she just wants exclusive rights to kissing me or whatever. No, she's direct, if she just wanted to kiss me then she'd do it. Whether it's to make fun of me or not. Is she happy? Does she want something more? I know she's finally finally letting go of Roman... I'm proud of her. I can't tell her that but I am.
They weren't together, but if she has all of this in her heart and she's had it there for so long, then... ugh. I don't know. I almost fell asleep writing this all out and then the thunder woke me up again. This is so long, I wrote so much, I can't believe it. This is embarrassing. I don't even think I'm any closer to an answer. I don't want to ruin what I have with Neo, but I still kind of want to see where this goes.
Ugh. I should get some rest.
Action - Forward Dated to 8/4 (CW for Death Flu/mentions of Death)
threelayers
2020-08-01 11:08 am (UTC)(link)
(OOC: I has no self control. We know this.)
[The thunder was done. The town was devastated but intact. Monsters roamed on the fringes of the city and broken glass had to be cleaned up from everywhere, but at least the AC unit was fucking working again and the apartment wasn't stewing in its own juices, right?
It was morning. Almost exactly the time of the trial, not that this was immediately apparent. And if Emerald's ears were good, she'd know that she wasn't alone in the apartment. There was a thump in Neo's bedroom, the sound of a sort of wet breathing and a nasty cough. Someone had broken into her roommate's room just to hack over everything?]
[The thunder was done. The town was devastated but intact. Monsters roamed on the fringes of the city and broken glass had to be cleaned up from everywhere, but at least the AC unit was fucking working again and the apartment wasn't stewing in its own juices, right?
It was morning. Almost exactly the time of the trial, not that this was immediately apparent. And if Emerald's ears were good, she'd know that she wasn't alone in the apartment. There was a thump in Neo's bedroom, the sound of a sort of wet breathing and a nasty cough. Someone had broken into her roommate's room just to hack over everything?]
Edited (heh, sorry, date was wrong) 2020-08-01 11:55 (UTC)
((look, one of us was gonna, we knew this))
[it's been one week since the trial that, true to Em's word, she hadn't been able to watch. she saw the video crop up on her feed and she ignored it completely; she knew what she'd find at the end of it. one week alone with her thoughts and worried out of her mind in ways she had problems remembering if she'd felt before.]
[and that was part of the problem. she knew that people came back, but not how or after how long, and that hadn't been the brainiac thing she'd decided to ask Ruby about. all she could do was sit there and stew in her own physical and mental juices until Neo came back.]
[or, she thought with her finger hovering just over the trigger of Thief's Respite, until someone broke in to try to ambush her. for whatever reason. she approached the door with both hands on the grip and spoke loudly.]
Get out here right now or I'm coming in. One and only warning.
[it's been one week since the trial that, true to Em's word, she hadn't been able to watch. she saw the video crop up on her feed and she ignored it completely; she knew what she'd find at the end of it. one week alone with her thoughts and worried out of her mind in ways she had problems remembering if she'd felt before.]
[and that was part of the problem. she knew that people came back, but not how or after how long, and that hadn't been the brainiac thing she'd decided to ask Ruby about. all she could do was sit there and stew in her own physical and mental juices until Neo came back.]
[or, she thought with her finger hovering just over the trigger of Thief's Respite, until someone broke in to try to ambush her. for whatever reason. she approached the door with both hands on the grip and spoke loudly.]
Get out here right now or I'm coming in. One and only warning.
So
I've heard from a very reliable source that you maaaaaaaay have a crush on me.
Which is adorable btw, you could have just told me
I've heard from a very reliable source that you maaaaaaaay have a crush on me.
Which is adorable btw, you could have just told me
Oh my g
[she practically drops her Fluid as she responds.]
Is your whole family damaged?
Am I gonna get a shovel talk from Qrow in a second?
Why does everybody think I'm crushing on you?
[she practically drops her Fluid as she responds.]
Is your whole family damaged?
Am I gonna get a shovel talk from Qrow in a second?
Why does everybody think I'm crushing on you?
[The weird, labyrinth-like nature of the town this month sure is a pain in the ass, huh? Makes it kind of hard to go anywhere but where the maze leads you, and some of the passageways are narrow enough that you really can't avoid whoever happens to be there with you.
Like ... a certain old bird, who just so happens to be tucked away in a corner of said passage, lanky legs pulled up to his chest as he leans against them, staring somewhat transfixed on an image before him. For once, he doesn't even hear Emerald as she approaches, but as she approaches, she'll be able to tell that what what he's looking at is very clearly Ruby's ghost, getting stabbed over and over and over again. If she watches close, she might notice the slight flinch in his shoulders with each blow in the endless loop, but he makes no motion to get up, get away from this miserable image.
He doesn't even turn when he hears footsteps behind him, much less reach for Harbinger. He wouldn't acknowledge her presence at all, except that after he waits a couple moments and there's no receding footsteps to be found, he gets a little bit annoyed, and finally grumbles out behind him:]
What do you want?
Like ... a certain old bird, who just so happens to be tucked away in a corner of said passage, lanky legs pulled up to his chest as he leans against them, staring somewhat transfixed on an image before him. For once, he doesn't even hear Emerald as she approaches, but as she approaches, she'll be able to tell that what what he's looking at is very clearly Ruby's ghost, getting stabbed over and over and over again. If she watches close, she might notice the slight flinch in his shoulders with each blow in the endless loop, but he makes no motion to get up, get away from this miserable image.
He doesn't even turn when he hears footsteps behind him, much less reach for Harbinger. He wouldn't acknowledge her presence at all, except that after he waits a couple moments and there's no receding footsteps to be found, he gets a little bit annoyed, and finally grumbles out behind him:]
What do you want?
[it's... hard to ignore. it's the kind of scene that draws Emerald's attention more than just Qrow does. she hadn't seen how Neo did it, after all, and if this happened to show up when Neo went on trial then it was just one more thing for her to pretend she can ignore about it.]
[of course, that doesn't make the sight in front of her harder to look away from. she's rapt for a couple loops before her eyes slide away more towards Qrow's shoulders, and she's quiet and still until he speaks up. and she doesn't have an answer at first... until one comes to mind. one she's said a few times before, each as mercifully in private as this situation.]
I'm sorry. That this happened to her. I didn't want this.
[of course, that doesn't make the sight in front of her harder to look away from. she's rapt for a couple loops before her eyes slide away more towards Qrow's shoulders, and she's quiet and still until he speaks up. and she doesn't have an answer at first... until one comes to mind. one she's said a few times before, each as mercifully in private as this situation.]
I'm sorry. That this happened to her. I didn't want this.
Haha
Fair warning, Emerald
The Heiress' frigid sister's back in town
As personable as ever, I assure you
Fair warning, Emerald
The Heiress' frigid sister's back in town
As personable as ever, I assure you
Oh, great. Winter's here?
That's the one thing we needed. More cops.
Did she pull the stick out of her ass and try to beat you up with it?
That's the one thing we needed. More cops.
Did she pull the stick out of her ass and try to beat you up with it?
[ sometime during mid-november, emerald will receive a shaky phone picture of a triceratops with the caption: ]
Hey you ever seen one of these
Hey you ever seen one of these
[oh hey, this guy. that's. huh.]
Uh.
Not with that color scheme?
So it's probably not a Grimm. So, uh. What.
Uh.
Not with that color scheme?
So it's probably not a Grimm. So, uh. What.
[ aaaand voicemail. great. awesome. ]
Hey, uh. Emerald. It's Blake. Look, Yang told me that things are cool now, but I think we should still... talk through some things. If you're up to it. [ blake sighs. they were friends once, weren't they? why is this so hard? ]
Call me back.
Hey, uh. Emerald. It's Blake. Look, Yang told me that things are cool now, but I think we should still... talk through some things. If you're up to it. [ blake sighs. they were friends once, weren't they? why is this so hard? ]
Call me back.
[huh. not the way she expected to hear from Belladon—from Blake first. she's on a Leitner hunt (that comes up dry, of course) when the voice mail comes in, and it takes her about an hour just to listen to it. then another couple to work up the nerve to call her back. eventually, she just sits down on the edge of the couch in her apartment, takes a deep breath, and calls her back.]
Hey, Blake. It's Emerald. We really should get on the same page about stuff, so... ask away. I'm here.
Hey, Blake. It's Emerald. We really should get on the same page about stuff, so... ask away. I'm here.
So...
Are we calling it "Doing our Taxes" now?
Because I am absolutely down with you calling me your private accountant.
Dot your i's. Cross your t's.
Are we calling it "Doing our Taxes" now?
Because I am absolutely down with you calling me your private accountant.
Dot your i's. Cross your t's.
You're just saying that because you like seeing me face down bent over a desk.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just not as embarrassed about it as I used to be.
Now that, you know. We've crossed each other's Ts. Balanced our checkbooks?
This is bad, all of these are bad.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just not as embarrassed about it as I used to be.
Now that, you know. We've crossed each other's Ts. Balanced our checkbooks?
This is bad, all of these are bad.
[Left outside the house is a dark blue basket. Inside is an associate of tea, chocolates, a box of lemon drops, a bottle of wine and a copy of Charles Dickens, Christmas Carol. A blue Tardis-shaped card attached to the basket says, 'Santa' in silver marker.]
[On Christmas day, Emerald will receive a little wrapped present containing a simple, inscripted lighter. With it is a note:]
Merry Christmas, Em. I know you guys don't have it on Remnant, but too bad you're friend with someone from Earth so you're going to have to live with my heart-felt gift. Hope it helps you remember you've come really far and that you're never too late to move forward. You've got this.
- Varian
Merry Christmas, Em. I know you guys don't have it on Remnant, but too bad you're friend with someone from Earth so you're going to have to live with my heart-felt gift. Hope it helps you remember you've come really far and that you're never too late to move forward. You've got this.
- Varian
[the nightmares have been getting worse lately.]
[they've always been bad, but for the past few months Emerald's at least been able to convince herself that they aren't real pretty quickly. they haven't stuck with her like now-forgotten memories of deadly nightshade; they haven't gnawed at her gut and mind like quicksilver regrets. but this last round, this latest recurring vision has been all flame and no warmth.]
[she sees everything she's worked so hard for stolen from her in an instant. it isn't even her choice. they fall. they are divided, and they fall, and they are made sacrifices for some miserable god. she's never allowed to see what it is she did; whoever conducts this symphony must keep their chords secret. all she sees is the reaction of the audience.]
[it starts simple. the newest ones first, the underdeveloped melodies but the foundation of the whole work. electromagnetism buzz, buzz, buzzing through the air, thunder crashing down into a bolt that draws everything closer in a massive percussion hit. the harmony begins, a line gauche to compare to hers but impossible to ignore as the black keys follow her contour, phasing in and out, crossing over in unexpected places but still distinct enough to be its own. a shift to minor, the color of the piece darkening but the contrapoint staying close to her own. strings, rising upward, straining to be heard against the weight of the piece as it crescendos. two voices sing the aria in perfect unison, and she knows it well enough to sing it by heart.]
[camera cut. emerald is the audience, watching a life that mirrors her own with the conductor's back to her. she is alone, and she does not belong. there is no beauty to be found in this performance; from outside, she knows that this is only a story. this is not something she could ever truly have herself. the flames climb up the massive curtains lining the stage, only destruction, no warmth, no comfort. she watches. the players break one by one and the symphony falls apart. she watches. the conductor never stops moving as each section dies off one by one. she watches. and as the theatre is consumed, she realizes that the form at the head of the stage was never conducting the orchestra.]
[emerald always wakes up before the theatre is gone entirely, but this is the closest it's come in a while. she wakes up in a sweat, and she's certain she was screaming, and her head aches horribly. in her apartment, on the couch that she crashes on when she needs space, she reaches for the endtable in the darkness. Varian's lighter rests there, and in the low light she can only run her thumb over the inscription. may the bridges i burn light the way. she flicks the lighter open, lets the flame illuminate a small circle near her face.]
[warmth. light. no destructive power. this is fire that she's in control of. something she can look at as a comfort, something she knows won't betray her. the motion in her wrist is natural, opening and closing the lighter on and off like a ritual. the flickering light casts shadows, but for once, she isn't jumping at flame and darkness. she's taking their power away; she's not letting them control her anymore, and every time she snuffs the lighter out she reminds herself that she's the one who tells it when to leave her be.]
[until.]
[there's a form in the darkness. the form of a woman that she once called home. and she's willing to write it off as a trick of the light, of her mind recalling the image she'd just been woken up from, but she closes the lighter and feels that same lack of warmth shoot through her body with each beat of her too-open heart. and she hears her voice, clear as a memory.]
[hello, emerald.]
[they've always been bad, but for the past few months Emerald's at least been able to convince herself that they aren't real pretty quickly. they haven't stuck with her like now-forgotten memories of deadly nightshade; they haven't gnawed at her gut and mind like quicksilver regrets. but this last round, this latest recurring vision has been all flame and no warmth.]
[she sees everything she's worked so hard for stolen from her in an instant. it isn't even her choice. they fall. they are divided, and they fall, and they are made sacrifices for some miserable god. she's never allowed to see what it is she did; whoever conducts this symphony must keep their chords secret. all she sees is the reaction of the audience.]
[it starts simple. the newest ones first, the underdeveloped melodies but the foundation of the whole work. electromagnetism buzz, buzz, buzzing through the air, thunder crashing down into a bolt that draws everything closer in a massive percussion hit. the harmony begins, a line gauche to compare to hers but impossible to ignore as the black keys follow her contour, phasing in and out, crossing over in unexpected places but still distinct enough to be its own. a shift to minor, the color of the piece darkening but the contrapoint staying close to her own. strings, rising upward, straining to be heard against the weight of the piece as it crescendos. two voices sing the aria in perfect unison, and she knows it well enough to sing it by heart.]
[camera cut. emerald is the audience, watching a life that mirrors her own with the conductor's back to her. she is alone, and she does not belong. there is no beauty to be found in this performance; from outside, she knows that this is only a story. this is not something she could ever truly have herself. the flames climb up the massive curtains lining the stage, only destruction, no warmth, no comfort. she watches. the players break one by one and the symphony falls apart. she watches. the conductor never stops moving as each section dies off one by one. she watches. and as the theatre is consumed, she realizes that the form at the head of the stage was never conducting the orchestra.]
[emerald always wakes up before the theatre is gone entirely, but this is the closest it's come in a while. she wakes up in a sweat, and she's certain she was screaming, and her head aches horribly. in her apartment, on the couch that she crashes on when she needs space, she reaches for the endtable in the darkness. Varian's lighter rests there, and in the low light she can only run her thumb over the inscription. may the bridges i burn light the way. she flicks the lighter open, lets the flame illuminate a small circle near her face.]
[warmth. light. no destructive power. this is fire that she's in control of. something she can look at as a comfort, something she knows won't betray her. the motion in her wrist is natural, opening and closing the lighter on and off like a ritual. the flickering light casts shadows, but for once, she isn't jumping at flame and darkness. she's taking their power away; she's not letting them control her anymore, and every time she snuffs the lighter out she reminds herself that she's the one who tells it when to leave her be.]
[until.]
[there's a form in the darkness. the form of a woman that she once called home. and she's willing to write it off as a trick of the light, of her mind recalling the image she'd just been woken up from, but she closes the lighter and feels that same lack of warmth shoot through her body with each beat of her too-open heart. and she hears her voice, clear as a memory.]
[hello, emerald.]
[ even with the lighter off, she's there in the corner of the living room. the shape of her passes by the dull hints of light filtering through the closed blinds, her silhouette briefly brightening to grey. ]
I let myself in. You don't mind, do you?
[ it's the sort of treatment that was once more common. mostly carrot and very little stick.
fire flickers steadily at cinder's fingertips with a flex of her wrist, small and controlled matchlights guiding her idle inspection of the titles on one shelf. ]
I let myself in. You don't mind, do you?
[ it's the sort of treatment that was once more common. mostly carrot and very little stick.
fire flickers steadily at cinder's fingertips with a flex of her wrist, small and controlled matchlights guiding her idle inspection of the titles on one shelf. ]
[ way, way later that night. ]
Hey
Just texting to check up on you after...you know
You okay?
Hey
Just texting to check up on you after...you know
You okay?
[she takes longer than she should to reply, but she's been reeling and trying to will these memories to disappear all day. some of them are already fading, but not all of them, and not fast enough.]
Is she? Are you?
Is she? Are you?
Qrow dropped off Ruby at the hotel room
He said you told him you did this
Please tell me that's not true
He said you told him you did this
Please tell me that's not true
Edited 2021-01-30 18:56 (UTC)
I know you wouldn't if you had a choice
There was something weird I thought I saw Cinder
But she's not here, she would have tried to do this earlier
And
Em you promised
There was something weird I thought I saw Cinder
But she's not here, she would have tried to do this earlier
And
Em you promised
[After Ruby's message, guess who's here!]
Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now and hole up somewhere and avoid seeing other people because wallowing in your guilt feels like the correct course of action. As your official (?) redemption sponsor and more importantly your friend, I'm telling you do not do that. That's where the bad thoughts lie and you swim in those long enough and you're gonna drown. You can't tread water there forever.
So I'm here. To talk. Either on the Fluids or in person, but I am here to talk. Because you need to and I'm not gonna stand back and let you destroy yourself because I care about you too much for that. So please speak to me.
For further incentive, in case you need persuading, I've rigged the Fluid to keep sending you an annoying noise every ten minutes until I get a response. I do this out of love.
attached:pickupthephoneem.MP3
Hey. I know you probably don't want to talk to anyone right now and hole up somewhere and avoid seeing other people because wallowing in your guilt feels like the correct course of action. As your official (?) redemption sponsor and more importantly your friend, I'm telling you do not do that. That's where the bad thoughts lie and you swim in those long enough and you're gonna drown. You can't tread water there forever.
So I'm here. To talk. Either on the Fluids or in person, but I am here to talk. Because you need to and I'm not gonna stand back and let you destroy yourself because I care about you too much for that. So please speak to me.
For further incentive, in case you need persuading, I've rigged the Fluid to keep sending you an annoying noise every ten minutes until I get a response. I do this out of love.
attached:pickupthephoneem.MP3
Edited 2021-02-01 23:16 (UTC)
I'm here
Turn it off
[stupid. varian. making good on his promises like this. she grumbles as she pounds out her next text because it's the closest thing she has left to crying.]
How much did she tell you about what I did
Turn it off
[stupid. varian. making good on his promises like this. she grumbles as she pounds out her next text because it's the closest thing she has left to crying.]
How much did she tell you about what I did
[It takes Ruby awhile to get up and do this. How... Do you approach someone after what happened between them. Ruby didn't really have the answer to that. But she could at least make the effort to reach out. There was still a lot of hurt in her heart but she couldn't just avoid this forever.
So she picks up her fluid and stares at it as she tries to find the words to say. Something that'll hopefully help them put this behind them or find some way to move on. Or at the very least acknowledge what had happened.]
Hey.
[Nailed it.]
So she picks up her fluid and stares at it as she tries to find the words to say. Something that'll hopefully help them put this behind them or find some way to move on. Or at the very least acknowledge what had happened.]
Hey.
[Nailed it.]
[a week. a little more than that. it feels like an eon and an instant at once. she has no idea what she's been doing, how she's been surviving; it's all been a haze even with Neo and Varian and even Yang's attempts to keep her out of the worst places her brain has ever been. it has been unimaginable torment, trying to reconcile what she did to her sister with how she feels towards her.]
[and then, one day, she's curled up on the couch and idly eating her lunch with dead eyes, and her Fluid vibrates. and she sees who the text is from, and she sees what the text is, and she goes through the entire host of human emotion in about three seconds.]
I lose my mind and cut your eye out and all you can say is hey?
[is exactly what she does not send. oh, she types it out, to be sure, but she deletes the whole thing as anger and guilt wrestle for dominance and guilt wins. what she actually sends is this.]
Thought you would've lost this number by now.
[and then, one day, she's curled up on the couch and idly eating her lunch with dead eyes, and her Fluid vibrates. and she sees who the text is from, and she sees what the text is, and she goes through the entire host of human emotion in about three seconds.]
I lose my mind and cut your eye out and all you can say is hey?
[is exactly what she does not send. oh, she types it out, to be sure, but she deletes the whole thing as anger and guilt wrestle for dominance and guilt wins. what she actually sends is this.]
Thought you would've lost this number by now.
[A few days before Valentine's Day Emerald will find a package at her door.
It's a box of chocolates! And it comes with a handwritten note:]
Hey,
I just learned about this rad human holiday where you give people stuff if they're important to you, so I hope you like chocolate!
And if this isn't how the holiday works, sorry. I'm trying my best here.
-Fern
It's a box of chocolates! And it comes with a handwritten note:]
Hey,
I just learned about this rad human holiday where you give people stuff if they're important to you, so I hope you like chocolate!
And if this isn't how the holiday works, sorry. I'm trying my best here.
-Fern
EM
EM
EM
THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY SO PICK UP WHEN YOU CAN
MIGHT HAVE THROWN SOMETHING REAL GOOD RIGHT INTO THE BLUE BERRY PATCH-
I NEED DAMAGE CONTROL RIGHT NOW----
PLZ PLZ PLZ
RUBY
EM
EM
THIS IS KIND OF AN EMERGENCY SO PICK UP WHEN YOU CAN
MIGHT HAVE THROWN SOMETHING REAL GOOD RIGHT INTO THE BLUE BERRY PATCH-
I NEED DAMAGE CONTROL RIGHT NOW----
PLZ PLZ PLZ
RUBY
Edited 2021-02-24 03:08 (UTC)
[em picks up the phone immediately. if ruby is reaching out to her like this, so desperately, then it must be a big deal. there's serious concern in her voice.]
Ruby? Ruby, are you okay?
Ruby? Ruby, are you okay?
[She flopped onto the couch, hard. Her head was splitting from what had happened and if she could have groaned, she would have been moaning up a storm. She was feeling pretty damned awful, but right about now she was just glad... well, that things hadn't gone one of two directions it definitely could have gone, given the roil of emotions in her head, and .... that was good.
She looked up from where she as on the couch when she heard the familiar click of heels and started to get herself fully up, rubbing her forehead and trying to look fully apologetic. It wasn't taking much effort to look contrite at all. She felt awful about the whole thing after all.]
She looked up from where she as on the couch when she heard the familiar click of heels and started to get herself fully up, rubbing her forehead and trying to look fully apologetic. It wasn't taking much effort to look contrite at all. She felt awful about the whole thing after all.]
Hey, babe.
[she walked in with some takeout that she'd felt morally obligated to pay for. hope Neo liked Chinese.]
So how are you feeling? Recovering okay? [with the food safely on the counter, she crossed her arms over her chest in a sign that had become almost instinct for her.] No more urges to run around "protecting" anyone?
[she walked in with some takeout that she'd felt morally obligated to pay for. hope Neo liked Chinese.]
So how are you feeling? Recovering okay? [with the food safely on the counter, she crossed her arms over her chest in a sign that had become almost instinct for her.] No more urges to run around "protecting" anyone?
[ it's been a month and some change of silent reflection on yang's end. she ruminates about how things aren't and won't ever be the same, how stupid it was to let her guard down because that's always when the hammer falls and shatters everything to pieces, how trusting emerald again seems impossible no matter how much she wants (or doesn't want) to.
the thoughts play out in an unbreakable loop as the dream that is deerington begins to crumble and even weirder shit happens (people got turned into dogs?). but perhaps the weirdest of all is how casually ruby drops their sister's name during dinner while trying and failing to stab a piece of potato that her eye can't tell how far away it is. well, not weird, if yang thought about it. to ruby, everyone could be redeemed in some way if they've proven themselves willing to put in the work.
and emerald had been nothing but emphatic that she wanted to make things right, even if none of them were sure how. reaching out and reconnecting mere days after losing her eye was a typical move.
yang, however, can't bring herself to reach out that soon. even looking at emerald's name in her contacts sends a lance of hurt and anger and frustration and loss and everything that she inevitably closes her fluid with a huff and wanders off to sketch at her drafting board downstairs or head out to the garage to work on taking apart some machinery she found at the junkyard. anything to keep her mind busy and heart safe.
one afternoon in march, she scrolls past emerald's name in contacts and looking at it doesn't hurt as much. and that's how she knows it's finally time. ]
Yo. Been a while.
How you holding up?
the thoughts play out in an unbreakable loop as the dream that is deerington begins to crumble and even weirder shit happens (people got turned into dogs?). but perhaps the weirdest of all is how casually ruby drops their sister's name during dinner while trying and failing to stab a piece of potato that her eye can't tell how far away it is. well, not weird, if yang thought about it. to ruby, everyone could be redeemed in some way if they've proven themselves willing to put in the work.
and emerald had been nothing but emphatic that she wanted to make things right, even if none of them were sure how. reaching out and reconnecting mere days after losing her eye was a typical move.
yang, however, can't bring herself to reach out that soon. even looking at emerald's name in her contacts sends a lance of hurt and anger and frustration and loss and everything that she inevitably closes her fluid with a huff and wanders off to sketch at her drafting board downstairs or head out to the garage to work on taking apart some machinery she found at the junkyard. anything to keep her mind busy and heart safe.
one afternoon in march, she scrolls past emerald's name in contacts and looking at it doesn't hurt as much. and that's how she knows it's finally time. ]
Yo. Been a while.
How you holding up?
[emerald has been going about her life since january as well as she could reasonably be expected. there's been more than her share of sleepless nights, ones where she only feels herself breaking out in a cold sweat and tossing and turning all night long, often getting so bad that she can't be around anyone else and has to go sleep on the couch. comfort is difficult to find, but with time, she's at least grown to accept that she deserves some level of comfort.]
[she's had multiple conversations with ruby since then, too, and that shouldn't be a surprise either. ruby is just... like that. and there's been a part of emerald that has yearned to restore that connection with yang, too, but... but she knows it won't ever be that simple. she gave her position, they agreed to give each other distance, and now it's all in yang's hands to decide to reach out again.]
[because emerald is sure she will. family doesn't abandon each other, and she understands that now. but it means that whenever her fluid has buzzed, there's been an indescribable emotion, fear bleeding to anticipation to hope to relief each and every time.]
[and then she sees "big sis 💛" again. and she reads the message, and it's impossible to have prepared herself for the real flood of emotions. this is it, isn't it? this is the moment. there's a conspicuous pause between the read notification and the start of emerald's response, but only so she can gather herself. there's no real fear, she's realizing. it's her sister, and they love each other.]
Oh, you know. The best I can given everything happening out there.
Not that I'm spending a ton of time outside lately anyway.
How about you, how are things with you?
[she's had multiple conversations with ruby since then, too, and that shouldn't be a surprise either. ruby is just... like that. and there's been a part of emerald that has yearned to restore that connection with yang, too, but... but she knows it won't ever be that simple. she gave her position, they agreed to give each other distance, and now it's all in yang's hands to decide to reach out again.]
[because emerald is sure she will. family doesn't abandon each other, and she understands that now. but it means that whenever her fluid has buzzed, there's been an indescribable emotion, fear bleeding to anticipation to hope to relief each and every time.]
[and then she sees "big sis 💛" again. and she reads the message, and it's impossible to have prepared herself for the real flood of emotions. this is it, isn't it? this is the moment. there's a conspicuous pause between the read notification and the start of emerald's response, but only so she can gather herself. there's no real fear, she's realizing. it's her sister, and they love each other.]
Oh, you know. The best I can given everything happening out there.
Not that I'm spending a ton of time outside lately anyway.
How about you, how are things with you?
I was in a coma for a month.
I heard what happened.
Are you okay?
I heard what happened.
Are you okay?
Better than I was while it was happening.
I'm sorry I didn't even try to reach out.
It was Cinder. She knew how to stop me from talking.
Are you okay? You're the one who was in a coma for a month.
I'm sorry I didn't even try to reach out.
It was Cinder. She knew how to stop me from talking.
Are you okay? You're the one who was in a coma for a month.
I would like to speak with you.
I thought you might, yeah.
I know what this is about. What do you want to say?
I know what this is about. What do you want to say?
So, do not freak out.
I cannot stress enough, do not freak out.
But on your way back tonight, stop by Hart Mart and get a sling.
And a bunch of those ace bandages and disinfectant.
And if you see a big Grimm, run.
No freaking out, got it?
I cannot stress enough, do not freak out.
But on your way back tonight, stop by Hart Mart and get a sling.
And a bunch of those ace bandages and disinfectant.
And if you see a big Grimm, run.
No freaking out, got it?
You can't just tell me not to freak out and then say your arm is broken and you got torn up by a GRIMM!
[she takes a breath. if there really is a Grimm loose, and she has no reason to disbelieve Neo, then freaking out will only bring it right back home to both of them.]
Fine.
Okay.
I'll just... go back to shoving everything back down inside me and not letting myself feel anything.
I'll take care of you. Let me know if you need anything else and I'll go out and get it.
Promise.
[she takes a breath. if there really is a Grimm loose, and she has no reason to disbelieve Neo, then freaking out will only bring it right back home to both of them.]
Fine.
Okay.
I'll just... go back to shoving everything back down inside me and not letting myself feel anything.
I'll take care of you. Let me know if you need anything else and I'll go out and get it.
Promise.
Yeah, Rubes?
[she's surprised, but not displeased at all. gods help her, she's smiling.]
[she's surprised, but not displeased at all. gods help her, she's smiling.]
Page 1 of 2