Emerald Sustrai (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
hallucinogem) wrote2020-06-10 04:49 pm
hallucinogem) wrote2020-06-10 04:49 pm
Entry tags:
STAGGR
[ like a gunshot, like the backfire of an engine. yang wonders if this backfire is caused by widening cracks exposing the delicate wiring to the unpredictable elements or incorrect timing when pushing the engine too far. maybe an unfortunate mixture of both. ]
I hadn't considered it, but now I have. And sure they've got the valves handled, but it takes more than that to fix an engine. Tracking down what's left would be a big help. [ she turns to face emerald, shoving her hands in her pockets and crossing one foot over the other. ] Me and you can go looking for them together. Pick out some paint, too, while we're out.
[ a shrug, hopefully nonchalant when it's anything but. ] Hanging out would be fun.
I hadn't considered it, but now I have. And sure they've got the valves handled, but it takes more than that to fix an engine. Tracking down what's left would be a big help. [ she turns to face emerald, shoving her hands in her pockets and crossing one foot over the other. ] Me and you can go looking for them together. Pick out some paint, too, while we're out.
[ a shrug, hopefully nonchalant when it's anything but. ] Hanging out would be fun.
[The forest is bathed in green light as Emerald calls out. Punctual as ever, the android's jets touch down exactly sixty minutes after her last message. Her expression is hard, swirling with emotion behind her synthetic eyes.]
Thank you for coming, Emerald. I apologize for this being on such short notice. However after seeing Ruby's new prosthetic, I was unable to bear sitting on these emotions any longer.
Thank you for coming, Emerald. I apologize for this being on such short notice. However after seeing Ruby's new prosthetic, I was unable to bear sitting on these emotions any longer.
[Emerald isn't fazed. not surprised, not shocked. but neither is she at all casual or blasé—she's just. accepting. completely.]
Do what you have to do to get them out. I won't stop you.
Do what you have to do to get them out. I won't stop you.
No, I will not do that.
[She shakes her head, eyes at Emerald's feet.]
Being honest, I am ashamed of the thoughts I had when I learned that Ruby had been hurt.
[She shakes her head, eyes at Emerald's feet.]
Being honest, I am ashamed of the thoughts I had when I learned that Ruby had been hurt.
[that gets her head to raise.]
What thoughts were they? That you wanted to find me and take it all out on me?
What thoughts were they? That you wanted to find me and take it all out on me?
[or maybe it's just some jitters. normal and easy to fix if they just wait it out. give it a little time. let it run for a while and see what happens.]
[emerald can tell that yang is trying really hard to be casual, but she wouldn't be the only one. so if she doesn't call attention to it, then it doesn't have to be a thing. she stands up straight, leans one hand on the table. tries her best to be fake in a way that they're both okay with.]
Yeah, I could do that. Oscar and Rubes are good, but sometimes you just gotta do something yourself. You're the one who knows what you need better than anyone else. [she gets out of her lean and tries a smile, and that's harder but only because she's forgotten how to fake them around yang.] Let's hang out. I can buy you lunch?
[emerald can tell that yang is trying really hard to be casual, but she wouldn't be the only one. so if she doesn't call attention to it, then it doesn't have to be a thing. she stands up straight, leans one hand on the table. tries her best to be fake in a way that they're both okay with.]
Yeah, I could do that. Oscar and Rubes are good, but sometimes you just gotta do something yourself. You're the one who knows what you need better than anyone else. [she gets out of her lean and tries a smile, and that's harder but only because she's forgotten how to fake them around yang.] Let's hang out. I can buy you lunch?
That I had been wrong about you.
[She looks up, eyes apologetic.]
I held out hope that you were better than Cinder. That we could be friends... possibly family. But after being instrumental in my own death and now maiming Ruby, I began to believe that the only way to keep you from hurting people would be to... to kill you.
[She looks up, eyes apologetic.]
I held out hope that you were better than Cinder. That we could be friends... possibly family. But after being instrumental in my own death and now maiming Ruby, I began to believe that the only way to keep you from hurting people would be to... to kill you.
[that she'd been better than Cinder. that's the thing that pierces Emerald's look of acceptance and makes her almost... recoil. she reaches for a nearby tree and tries to make it not too obvious that she's leaning against it for support. and trying, almost, to hide behind it.]
I am better than her, Penny. Please. [that isn't the point of this. she doesn't want to be afraid. she just... she can't think about Cinder anymore. she can't. so she falls back on what she knows.] Just do what you have to do and get it over with.
I am better than her, Penny. Please. [that isn't the point of this. she doesn't want to be afraid. she just... she can't think about Cinder anymore. she can't. so she falls back on what she knows.] Just do what you have to do and get it over with.
[all the tension left Emerald's body as soon as those words hit her brain. she really... really did love Neo. so much. and she just hoped... she just hoped...]
I want to stay here. [quiet. careful.] I don't want to go back to Remnant. I want us to get married and live here.
I want to stay here. [quiet. careful.] I don't want to go back to Remnant. I want us to get married and live here.
[... Did she just... Did... was that... She had, hadn't she? Was... was this...
She just stared at Emerald in absolute shock, disbelief in her face. Neo's lip was quivering, her fingers shaking a little as she looked at her. Any thought of Huntress was out of her head right there and then because it sounded very much like Emerald had just back-door proposed to her, and she was so stunned in that moment that she didn't quite know how to ...
One second, Neo.exe is rebooting.]
She just stared at Emerald in absolute shock, disbelief in her face. Neo's lip was quivering, her fingers shaking a little as she looked at her. Any thought of Huntress was out of her head right there and then because it sounded very much like Emerald had just back-door proposed to her, and she was so stunned in that moment that she didn't quite know how to ...
One second, Neo.exe is rebooting.]
[She tried to mouth 'Yes.' If she could have made sound, she would have. Her body crossed the few inches, and she was kissing at Emerald furiously, her hands going to both sides of the girl's face, every bit of force she had going into the act.
Uh, that was probably a yes, Emerald. She was having a little trouble being coherent right now.]
Uh, that was probably a yes, Emerald. She was having a little trouble being coherent right now.]
[and it took her completely off-guard because she hadn't actually realized what she'd been saying until the words were out of her lips and Neo was on them instead. and she just. she felt her face going completely red and, briefly, stunned herself into silence as she went on impulse and blankly kissed Neo's lips a few times.]
[once her senses returned to her and she could safely pull away, she stammered out a protest.]
That's not how I want to do it. I just. I want it to happen but I don't want—Neo, I don't want to propose like this? I don't even have a ring, I was just... I was just remembering what we saw and... oh my gods, Neo. [she leaned forward and buried her face against her girlfriend's neck, letting the heat of her embarrassment become extremely clear.] I want to die.
[once her senses returned to her and she could safely pull away, she stammered out a protest.]
That's not how I want to do it. I just. I want it to happen but I don't want—Neo, I don't want to propose like this? I don't even have a ring, I was just... I was just remembering what we saw and... oh my gods, Neo. [she leaned forward and buried her face against her girlfriend's neck, letting the heat of her embarrassment become extremely clear.] I want to die.
[ no, it doesn't have to be a thing. they can just...carry on with holding off the hard talk if only for a few minutes longer. at least until they're surrounded by four walls and no longer run the risk of strangers accidentally peering in on two people trying to get it right again. ]
Okay. [ she nods and shuffles in place before adding with a small, broken smile of her own, ] Long as you let me cover dinner tonight.
[ it's phrased as a gentle suggestion, but her tone lilts at the end like a question, rises in pitch like hope. "stay. if you want." ]
Okay. [ she nods and shuffles in place before adding with a small, broken smile of her own, ] Long as you let me cover dinner tonight.
[ it's phrased as a gentle suggestion, but her tone lilts at the end like a question, rises in pitch like hope. "stay. if you want." ]
[She couldn't help a little bit a tearful laugh as her lover buried her head into her neck, her arms around her. There was a mixture of weird relief and strange emotion right then. Emerald didn't sound like she was taking it back. She was just complainig that... oooh...
She whispered right in her ear.]
'Nobody's ever proposed like that before. You're unique. And mine.'
She whispered right in her ear.]
'Nobody's ever proposed like that before. You're unique. And mine.'
[there's silence in the air for a couple beats of emerald's heart.]
Dinner sounds good. [it sounds better than good. it's a breath that fills her chest with warmth despite the temperature outside. it's an invitation back inside a home she thought she'd never be welcome in again. she gives her sister an embarrassed look, and maybe it's a little more honest than it should be given how exposed they both are right now, but. whatever.]
Haven't had more than one meal in a day for a while, so this'll be interesting. You feeling a sit-down place? I don't think any of the townsfolk are going to care about us much if we wanted to talk about stuff.
Dinner sounds good. [it sounds better than good. it's a breath that fills her chest with warmth despite the temperature outside. it's an invitation back inside a home she thought she'd never be welcome in again. she gives her sister an embarrassed look, and maybe it's a little more honest than it should be given how exposed they both are right now, but. whatever.]
Haven't had more than one meal in a day for a while, so this'll be interesting. You feeling a sit-down place? I don't think any of the townsfolk are going to care about us much if we wanted to talk about stuff.
You turned on us the moment she came back into your life. You disfigured one of the kindest, most loving souls I have ever known to satisfy a voice in your head, coming from a woman who sees you as nothing but a tool to be used.
[Her hand balls into a fist, the android having to close her eyes for a moment to settle herself. It's not working.]
Did you ever stop to question yourself? Whether any of it was real?
[Her hand balls into a fist, the android having to close her eyes for a moment to settle herself. It's not working.]
Did you ever stop to question yourself? Whether any of it was real?
[groaaaaan. why did Neo have to be so... like this? here Emerald was ready to sink into a hole in the ground and her girlfriend was affirming the whole thing and doing the voice that sent chills down her spine and set the hair on the back of her neck on end in the best way possible.]
Shut up. [she tried to laugh but just ended up sounding muffled against Neo.] 'M gonna do it right. I promise.
Shut up. [she tried to laugh but just ended up sounding muffled against Neo.] 'M gonna do it right. I promise.
[her fingernails dig crescents into her palms. Penny's right and Emerald knows it, but every single word Penny is saying is something that Emerald's told herself over and over every day for the past month. she hasn't been sleeping or eating properly, she hasn't been talking to anybody outside of her own house, she's barely left the blanket nest she'd forged for herself on the couch. she agrees with Penny. but she still feels like she has to fight.]
She wanted me to kill her! [is that true? she can't even remember anymore.] And she wasn't... she wasn't like that, she wasn't the way that we both know she is. She made me feel like I was wrong for ever doubting her. She... [oh, gods. the realization hits her and her stomach twists and this isn't the time for drama but she presses herself against the tree forehead-first. that way when Penny comes to kill her, she won't have to see it.]
She looked at me the way Yang looks at Blake.
She wanted me to kill her! [is that true? she can't even remember anymore.] And she wasn't... she wasn't like that, she wasn't the way that we both know she is. She made me feel like I was wrong for ever doubting her. She... [oh, gods. the realization hits her and her stomach twists and this isn't the time for drama but she presses herself against the tree forehead-first. that way when Penny comes to kill her, she won't have to see it.]
She looked at me the way Yang looks at Blake.
Edited 2021-03-18 15:16 (UTC)
[She nodded and grinned over at Neo, smiling as she did, winking and kissing her forehead while she stayed affectionate. Look, if she wanted to 'get it perfect,' Neo wasn't going to stop her from that. She'd already said yes, so they'd spoiled the surprise a little bit, but she would play along with whatever Emerald needed.
There was something to be said for romance, after all.]
There was something to be said for romance, after all.]
[ emerald agreeing to talking about everything that's happened. good!
emerald admitting that she hasn't been eating well for a while, probably due to a combined force of guilt and depression. bad!
it's another concerning point in an increasingly long list of them, but it'll be easier to tackle one step at a time. step one: getting out of the house. step two: everything else. ]
Sit down's fine. We can go to the diner across the street from the junkyard. They give you a lot of food for your money. [ enough for emerald to take home to graze on, at least. ]
I just want to wash up a little before we head out since.... [ yang pulls a hand out of her pocket to gesture at her grubby clothing. not exactly the height of cleanliness here. ] Shouldn't take too long. You want to come in while I change or do you want to wait out here? It's your call.
emerald admitting that she hasn't been eating well for a while, probably due to a combined force of guilt and depression. bad!
it's another concerning point in an increasingly long list of them, but it'll be easier to tackle one step at a time. step one: getting out of the house. step two: everything else. ]
Sit down's fine. We can go to the diner across the street from the junkyard. They give you a lot of food for your money. [ enough for emerald to take home to graze on, at least. ]
I just want to wash up a little before we head out since.... [ yang pulls a hand out of her pocket to gesture at her grubby clothing. not exactly the height of cleanliness here. ] Shouldn't take too long. You want to come in while I change or do you want to wait out here? It's your call.
Gods, if you need to clean up... [she lets it die off, though. there will be time to talk about how she hasn't had a proper shower in too long, but she can at least mask it well enough. the emotions and everything else about it, too.]
I can come inside with you. [a small sigh. she needs to be better about this. she needs to brace herself. she asks another question, one that doesn't need subtext.] It's just us around, right? I don't know if I can handle more than you right now.
[the honesty is refreshing to her throat, even if, in the back of her head, she's once again wondering why it's easier to talk about these things to yang than to someone else. for as much as she's actually talking about it.]
I can come inside with you. [a small sigh. she needs to be better about this. she needs to brace herself. she asks another question, one that doesn't need subtext.] It's just us around, right? I don't know if I can handle more than you right now.
[the honesty is refreshing to her throat, even if, in the back of her head, she's once again wondering why it's easier to talk about these things to yang than to someone else. for as much as she's actually talking about it.]
So, do not freak out.
I cannot stress enough, do not freak out.
But on your way back tonight, stop by Hart Mart and get a sling.
And a bunch of those ace bandages and disinfectant.
And if you see a big Grimm, run.
No freaking out, got it?
I cannot stress enough, do not freak out.
But on your way back tonight, stop by Hart Mart and get a sling.
And a bunch of those ace bandages and disinfectant.
And if you see a big Grimm, run.
No freaking out, got it?
You can't just tell me not to freak out and then say your arm is broken and you got torn up by a GRIMM!
[she takes a breath. if there really is a Grimm loose, and she has no reason to disbelieve Neo, then freaking out will only bring it right back home to both of them.]
Fine.
Okay.
I'll just... go back to shoving everything back down inside me and not letting myself feel anything.
I'll take care of you. Let me know if you need anything else and I'll go out and get it.
Promise.
[she takes a breath. if there really is a Grimm loose, and she has no reason to disbelieve Neo, then freaking out will only bring it right back home to both of them.]
Fine.
Okay.
I'll just... go back to shoving everything back down inside me and not letting myself feel anything.
I'll take care of you. Let me know if you need anything else and I'll go out and get it.
Promise.
It's better than me just out of the blue asking for a sling right?
At least now I'm telling you not to worry, cause it's only a sprain.
I broke ribs, not my arm, so that's good right?
yeah, nothing about this is actually good.
There's only the one Grimm but it's really smart and it changes shape.
At least now I'm telling you not to worry, cause it's only a sprain.
I broke ribs, not my arm, so that's good right?
yeah, nothing about this is actually good.
There's only the one Grimm but it's really smart and it changes shape.
Grimm aren't supposed to be smart... they're animals.
And they definitely shouldn't be transforming.
What next, it talks?
I'm glad that you're not as badly hurt as I thought you were... and I'm definitely gonna take that as a good thing.
I guess you didn't make much progress against it, though.
And they definitely shouldn't be transforming.
What next, it talks?
I'm glad that you're not as badly hurt as I thought you were... and I'm definitely gonna take that as a good thing.
I guess you didn't make much progress against it, though.
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